Tag Archives: compensating

How many lessons .. Part 2

A revelation to say the least. Since that day I often think back to the exact moment I spoke those words to myself and am amazed at its simplicity and it magnitude .

Protecting and Compensating. These are  two “Guarding” words if you thing about them, right? Technically  I was reffering to my leg, but symbolically, well there is a different story.

My Horsemanship Journey  though technical in many ways is not so much about the horse aspect but the personal growth and development.   Horses are my therapy.  My poor horses! :)   Over the last 8 yrs I have been on a wonderful journey, and of the last 2-3 its been getting really good. I have begun to unlock and reveal me.  How did it begin , at a clinic of all places. It really is so much more than riding. The obstacles and set backs I encounter with my horses  all have a greater purpose.  If it were not for  them I would not be writing this blog post. Why??? Because I would not be  aware enough or ready to hear what those words really meant for me! And more importantly , those of my students .

Compensating and Protecting,  it’s not about the ….leg , but My heart and emotions.  Long story , not a bad one just the way it was. Easier not to feel or express feelings. I know I am not alone in this.

So what came out of this wonderful Ah ha Moment???   I realized how emotionally exhausting it was for me to be on guard, and, that I was.

What was I “Really” scared of anyway???    This was a wake up call. Now its up to me to realistically look at what is holding me back and move it aside, or move through it .

**After adding this link to an older post , I had to laugh, and needed to fess up. I wasn’t denying the disease energy,  I was denying myself emotional release,
( Chicken! Just didn’t want to feel).
” You gain strength, courage and confidnece by every experience in which you  really stop and look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the things you think you can not do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Break free and Play! 

How many lessons will I learn ?? Part 1

Compensating and protecting is exhausting…

Everything I do is in slow motion….Hmm??

Its taken me a while to get to this blog post.  It holds a lot and I think I needed to get distance from the event  that prompted it before I could write about it.

Let me begin with the first statement….

Nearly 9 weeks ago now I under went surgery for Melanoma Cancer. This was the last straw after taking our eldest to college in DC, ( emotionally  hard), getting stuck  due to Hurricane Irene,( fun having extra time with her). Got home after a week, thank God, to begin my next 6 weeks of service at the  food shelf developed  due to Irene. During this period I knew I needed to  get to the Dr to have things checked, finally  I did, and  long story short,  here I am and its all good!

When I began to get back to my barn routine  I was cautious with my leg, walking softly to say the least. One day I was  puttering at best , chipping away at stalls etc when I realised I was so protective of my  right  leg and really giving my left leg a run for its money with compensating . Often times I would take a break and sit on the  shavings bags to rest my leg and back, and move my shoulders around a bit then back to work. I said out loud, to myself, as I often do while in the barn,” Boy this compensating and protecting stuff is hard work”.

With that statement I had so many revelations come rushing in ……..