What fear taught me.

The motto is: We are never given more than we can handle.

OK Iv’e had my fill for the yr and into next thank you!

Taking daughter to college in DC, and having Irene show up and keep me from getting back. Once home, standing with our community as we  pulled together. Recovering was and still is a daily challenge. Fear of how and when we all would recover. What we would do next? It was quite easily, if allowed to be, overwhelming.

Then, once things calmed down from Irene and  I had time to think and make a Drs apt for ME. Long story short I had a mole looked at and  as a result was diagnosed with Melanoma Cancer. Yeah, talk about FEAR!.

I think that has to be one of the worst feelings. My mind automatically went to the end. Im a pretty “in -touch” person so I allowed myself to do the normal thing, grieve, cry and then got pissed all in about 1/2 hr! Probably could have benefited from more time but I wasnt willing to give this any more energy than it would take normally.


12/7 I’m adding this is as a side note to the whole story as it was so clarifying to my point.

Today I requested a call to review a teaching situation I was encountering. I needed to review my thought process and request any input for continued progress forward. The student  had a lot of fear issues, and still does but the level of confidence both she and her horse are shoing now is improved 10 fold.

In the discussion Irrational Fear and Rational Fear were brought up. Perfect! This is how I can relate my internal feeling to public…. Exactly what I needed to hear.


I have had this rolling around in my head for a few weeks now but didnt really know how to relay it.

Did I really need to ???  Maybe not, but it was worth it to me to get it on paper, so to speak, because I knew it would be relatable at some point in my career.

We all encounter fear at some point during our lives. For example, we have bad experiences that  left unexplained , form a wall in our psychi that grows if not tended to . Fostered self confidence, support systems , and open communication of feelings are all things that foster better ” Mental Fitness!”

In my own journey I have had to “Re-write” if you will, what went on in my head and what was real.

During the time from diagnosis to end of  the protocol surgery on initial site, (again), and nodes, I had plenty of time to feel and think fear.

My mind would go off on tangents, “What if’s”, etc would enter the scene.  I would have to reel it in,  again not wanting to waste any more energy on this than need be. Mental attitude and fitness is so crucial in so many aspects of life.

It was after my surgery and all the drama pre and post that I had time to think and realize I was given a great opportunity to understand the difference between  “Real Fear” and “Prefabricated Fear”.

In other words “Rational and Irrational”.

It is now just under a month since surgery, and one of my biggest lessons I will take forward is to ask myself “What am I really Affraid of ?”

I am not saying I will not heed or appreciate the feelings of fear, (self preservation) or apprehension, (butterflies/ tightening in chest etc),  some of us feel at certain times.

What I am saying is……

Im not a reckless person by nature, but I feel my enlightenment may  see me to be a bit more of a

“Risk Taker”.  Maybe putting myself out there a bit more often and not being affraid of life!

The thought of loosing it, life that is, now that’s “Real, Rational Fear!”

Food for thought…Some of those times we hold back, we might miss a chance to feel a true rush, pure joy , true happiness, and dare I say, the satisfaction of a real accomplishment/progress!

Why miss that because your mind is messing with you!

Don’t hold back!





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